Leaving Israel?

Image from the bottom of Tell Goded

I went to Israel when I was three years old. My mom stayed in America as she had just given birth to my little sister, Vanessa. I don't have too many memories from that trip other then some flashes of the hotel lobby, the market in Jerusalem and the dead sea where my cousin splashed me by accident and boy did it sting.

In 2005, I returned on a Birthright Israel sponsored trip. It is almost too magical an experience to summarize. Our first evening we went to Tell Go'ded ( go'ded hill) a site of some caves that were a hiding place for the Jews during the Bar Kochba revolt (132-136)against the Roman empire. As the rest of my group desceneded into the caves I decided to stay above ground and to the dismay of our guard wandered off. I walked up the hill and as the sun was setting I was called to this tree growing out from a natural well. As I knelt down by the tree I had the undeniable feeling that I had been there before and that my soul was finally home.

This year in Jewish reckoning 5769, I have spent 6 months in Israel. I have fallen in love three times in this country- two of those times have been with men . My other love is the story which continues to unfold of loving the land.

On May 25th ,I awoke with a deep deep feeling of sadness. As I prepared to leave for the airport I understood that my sadness was about the land that I was flying away from. As the plane took off and I imagined it surrounded by white protective light as I have been taught, I could not shake the image of roots dangling below the bottom of the plane as we flew across the water.